Today's Medical Technology

I have been thinking a bit today.

While FigNewTon was sick, I thanked God that we not only live in America, but that we live where we live in America because of the access to good medical care. While she was sick, good medical care was a must. Simply stated, it saved her life. So, often I thanked God that we live where we live during this time in history. Had it been even five years earlier, her chances of survival would have been minimal.

With Butterfly and all that is happening with her brain right now, there is really nothing that the doctors have been able to do. They can do brain scans or run other tests, but they can't fix anything. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the phrase, "with today's medical technology." Because with "today's medical technology" they can see nothing wrong with her brain. There is a name for it and a list of symptoms that go along with it. And there is documented evidence from other people who died while still exhibiting symptoms that there is a molecular difference in the brain when someone is suffering from PCS. It is just that with "today's medical technology" we can't see it. We are all aware that there is something wrong, but just like before the development of x-ray's they could not see inside the human body, they cannot see what is wrong inside of her brain now. So often I am left with more questions than answers. And sometimes that gets unnerving.

And then I thought, "What would I do if it were 100 years ago or if we lived where 'today's medical technology' were unavailable?" Well, I would accept that all of her symptoms were because she hit her head and she either would or wouldn't get better and she either would or wouldn't live and that it was entirely out of my hands. I would live, day by day, thanking God for every moment that we have and every bit of progress. I would do whatever was in my power to help her. And I would love her where she is at. So, that is exactly what I have set my mind to do even with "today's medical technology." No more worrying or even wondering what will happen tomorrow. Because there are a lot of ifs and maybes that are scary. But right now I choose not to be consumed by them any longer.

Thankful Thursday

Today, publishing this weekly post is taking all that is within me. You see, my feelings are so far from thankful that it is really hard to get my thoughts in line. Today's post is truly a sacrifice and a thank offering to God.

I am thankful that Mr.R is no longer suffering, no longer in pain, and in the presence of Jesus. I am not thankful that I did not get to see him before he died. I am not thankful that he left a grieving widow and three grown grieving daughters. I am not thankful that he suffered for so long before he passed. And I am not thankful that I could not make the trip to go to the funeral.

I am thankful for Freecycle and my new bed! (I was sleeping on egg crates because the springs had busted through my mattress.)

I am thankful for rebates that translate into free school supplies for the girls.

I am thankful for "anonymous" tickets to the zoo that came in the mail the other day. (I am guessing you still read my blog, so thanks, TS :) )

OK. For this week, I guess that's it. Because now my mind has gone back to all of the things that I am not thankful for. I promise to be more focused and back on track next week. If you have it within you, leave a comment letting me know what you are thankful for or linking back to your Thankful Thursday post. Reading them always encourages me and I need all the encouragement I can get this week.

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A Good Man

Did you ever know someone truly wonderful? I did. And it took knowing he was going to die to realize just how wonderful.

In my last few years of high school, I made a friend, H. She had two younger sisters, K & J, which I never really got to know. But when things were hard at home, I would walk to the gas station and call H. H got busy as high schooler's do, and often her mom would answer the phone. Her mom would talk to me for hours, sometimes coming to get me if I was cold or hungry. Always ministering to me in love and directing me to God's love. Then I graduated and still called H's mom. After a few years, I realized Mrs.R was my friend. Recently, I realized she and Mr.R were so much more.

You see, after I was grown, Mrs.R came over and taught me how to care for my skin and wear make-up. They both showed up at the hospital when my girls were born. In fact, after Butterfly was born and I was so very sick, they were my only regular visitors. She is the one that came over and showed me how to diaper and bathe and otherwise care for my babies. She was the person I called when the girls had a fever. She was the one that I called when my own mother would say or do something hurtful. When I needed to cook my first turkey, I called her on Thanksgiving, several times, and she talked me through preparing that meal.

Whenever I would call, Mr.R would answer the phone. But I seldom talked to him, because I had issues with men. He was such a gentle person, so loving and kind, patient and forgiving. I would always just say hi and ask to talk to Mrs.R. Once, when Butterfly was really small, Mr.R picked us up from that same gas station and took us home, helping me to get in because I had been stranded without keys.

When I first separated from my ex-husband, Mr.R came over every day, sometimes twice a day, to help me learn how to work the wood stove and make sure the girls and I stayed warm. They even bought a cord of wood that first winter. Ever so often, I would need the advice of a man, and I would purposefully talk to him. Over the years, I got to where I trusted Mr.R, a big feat for me. I got to where I respected him and loved him. But I did not realize this until it was too late to really show him.

I live 1200 miles away from them now. Calling is hard. Visiting is right near impossible. At first, it was because FigNewTon was too sick to travel. Then I broke my foot and Butterfly busted her head. Before we were completely better, he got too sick to really have company. I have talked to him only a handful of times in the last year. But still, that was more than before. Now whenever he would answer the phone, I would talk to him for a few minutes before asking to talk to Mrs.R, always being aware of how tired the conversation was making him and cutting it short if necessary.

They had been sweethearts since they were teenagers. Mrs.R is going to miss him, I know. As are H, K & J. So am I. I am sure every person who had the privilege of knowing him is, too. The world lost a good man this weekend. A very good man.

Butterfly

Butterfly passed out this morning while I was curling her hair. She stated that everything was going black so I had her sit down. She felt better, stood back up, and passed out. EKG and CT of brain both looked normal. She is not anemic or diabetic. Afterward, she developed a severe headache and stayed dizzy until 2:00 p.m. when she laid down to rest. She seemed a bit less alert than usual as well. She napped 2 hours and woke up feeling a bit better, still more symptomatic than a normal day, but a bit better than before the nap. She stated that she keeps forgetting it is Sunday.

There are basically two things it could be. I am believing that it was a "normal" fainting episode and she is fine. It is the general consensus among the doctors, and it is the only one that lines up with my belief that she is going to get better.

The other alternative is bad. Very rarely, when a person has post-traumatic concussion syndrome, they will pass out and nothing is found to be wrong initially. Then they die unexpectedly. It is as if all systems just shut down. Even with second impact syndrome, this is still rare. And yet, the doctor chose to inform me about it. If this is the case, there is nothing they can find "with today's medical technology" until it is too late.

I used to think MRI's were great because of all they can show us about the brain. Now, I am wishing tomorrows technology was here today.

Snapshot Saturday

April 30, 2005

We were at a Single Parent Family Retreat. One of the perks of the weekend was family photos. It was windy and we were facing the sun. The photographer was just getting started in his own business. I had to work really hard to get the girls to smile for the photos. The photographer hadn't mastered that skill yet. I helped the mom before us coax a smile out of her kids, too. They gave the photos to us on a CD. I didn't have a computer at the time, so it was a few years before I even saw them. We were moving the next day and I still had so much to do. The only reason I went on the retreat is that I drove the bus and the church had specifically requested me knowing I was a single mom.

Thankful Thursday

What am I thankful for today?

• Time to talk uninterrupted to a dear friend (a whole hour!) that I haven't talked to in about a year. We have spoken. We have chatted. But we haven't talked. Boy did it feel good!
• Love ~ for my girls, from my girls, from unexpected places, for others regardless of how they act, but mostly from God because His love is perfect and truly unconditional, all consuming, always there making all other acts of love possible
• Peace ~ the kind that is not dependent upon life being peaceful, but rather brings peace to the midst of chaos
• The ability to be patient when my girls grate against my last nerve, when things don't go like I expect them to, or when other people act in an irritating manner. But mostly, that other people somehow find the grace to be patient towards me as I slowly become who He wants me to be.

So what are you thankful for today? If you would like to join me and publish your own Thankful Thursday post, just copy the text in the box below and paste it somewhere in your post with a link back here to mine. And please leave a comment to let me know you are participating so I can be blessed by reading your list.

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Enjoying ~

~ the fruits of our labors.

Zucchini, cucumber, and radishes.

There was also one green bean.

Added to stuff already in the fridge,

and it made a scrumptious dinner!

FigNewTon decided before beginning her garden that she would give 10% to the local shelter. We have harvested exactly 10 items. So, for now, they get one lone radish, with a promise of more to come!