Rainbows

Today was a good day. (#446) I was feeling a bit down because I wasn't strong enough to go to church and then a graduation party but then God used three separate things to encourage me.   First before Angelica arrived home from church and the celebration, ML asked me for a ride to C. (#447) It means a lot to me that ML felt the freedom to ask for my help.  I told her I couldn't drive her because I was too weak today but I would ask A when she arrived home.  Of course, Angelica said yes. (#448) Second, since Miracle is in C working as a nanny, I rode along and we had the chance to visit with her. (#449) Third, I arrived home and found an email from a new *friend* and in it she had mentioned two verses, both of which an encouragement to me. (#450)

2 Cor 4:16

Therefore, we do not give up, but even if the man we are outside is wasting away, certainly the man we are inside is being renewed from day to day.

Hebrews 6:10

"For God is not unrighteous so as to forget your work and the love you showed for his name by ministering and continuing to minister to the holy ones."

The verse in 2 Corinthians is a needed reminder that no matter the state of my outward body, my spirit is constantly being made new by the grace of God. (#451) Hebrews reminds me that even though I am not strong enough to physically serve in the church anymore that God has not forgotten all I have done for Him these past 20 years. (#452) It also reminded me of a conversation I had with a pastor friend years ago when he said that it is always easy to replace the acts of service done by the younger crowd - tangible things like scrubbing toilets - but the loss of an older servant who no longer serves in tangible ways but instead prays without ceasing was always felt and impossible to replace - that people don't stop serving the church but rather graduate to a more important form of service. (#453)

Plus, on the way home I saw this:

(#454)

It's not the best picture I know but you can just barely make out the faintest rainbow. Rainbows of course remind me of the promise God made that He would never again flood the entire earth at one time but more than that they remind me that God keeps His promises - ALL OF THEM. (#455) So today was definitely a good day.  :)

Yesterday - #426-430

I woke up this morning and realized I didn't blog about my day yesterday.  All in all it was a good day. (#426) It started early and by the evening, I was dozing off and on so I decided to turn in even before Miracle had finished babysitting.  I was able to take ML to a doctor appointment (#427) and the girls willingly watched Busy Bee without pay.* (#428) I had an appointment and ran a few errands.  I really feel like I accomplished a lot (#429) even though there's not much to show for it. 

*Years ago when I was a young single mom with no family and no local support system, I asked God to let me be the person I had needed to another mom later in life.  ML marks the 3rd family that I have been able to do that for since moving to this apartment.  Realizing that makes my heart smile. (#430) God is truly amazing!

Productive

That is definitely a good word to describe today.  The day started with me taking M to an appointment before meeting A at a separate location for another appointment.  Then M walked to meet us and when I picked her up, I had to drive to yet another appointment.  Angelica headed to the rink and then to class.  Miracle headed home to babysit and I did laundry.  Lots and lots of laundry.  It feels good to get so much accomplished. (#413) Angelica said she was happy this evening. (#414) Miracle sorted through photos for her graduation party and we were able to talk about some people who have had a huge part in her life, some who have gone on to be with Jesus and some who are still here on earth. (#415) We both miss Jackie a lot right now.  Grief is always hard and sneaks up at the most inopportune moments.  

I am really tired and my body aches.  I am coughing and beginning to get a fever.  Not good.  Tomorrow I have to take M to see the cardiologist.  Saturday we have two graduations to attend.  I need to stay healthy and strong.  I can't push through illness like most people do.  When I try, the sickness that follows brings my contributions to life to a halt for weeks.  Such is life with this disease.  Today I am not so OK with the restrictions it places on my life.  Please pray for me - my health and my perspective.  

My Day - #376-381

Today I am thankful for Internet and Pinterest that are both helping me plan a graduation ceremony for my oldest daughter. (#376) I am thankful that she is graduating; that she is physically healed from the brain injury that threatened to rob her of this opportunity, (#377) that she is emotionally capable of facing the next stage of her life, (#378) and that she developed a love of learning by the end. (#379) 

I am thankful that I was able to accomplish quite a few things today. (#380) Specifically I spent about two hours on the phone.  

I am also thankful that I was able to nap twice today. (#381) Not so thankful that I needed to, but definitely thankful that I was able to.  Adjusting to my new normal with this disease is emotionally difficult.  It seems that each time I become accustomed to a new place, my health deteriorates a bit more.  Maybe that constant state of deterioration is what I need to adjust to.  Not being able to do much saddens me and I have friends that tell me this isn't what God wants for me but I'm not so sure.  I know that if He chooses to, He can heal me completely but I also know that He could have a reason for allowing this disease in my life, a means to bring Him glory that could not be accomplished in another manner.  Ultimately, I am thankful that I can trust a sovereign God knowing that He will do what is best for me. (#381)

The Painter Of Life

This drama was part of our Easter celebration at church this past Sunday.  It is worth taking the time to watch.
 2014 Easter Drama from Flatland Church on Vimeo.

Taking It Easy

Today started with us getting ready and checking out a church here.  Since we are moving here, we thought it would be a good idea to get a jump start on finding a church.  I'm not sure that church is for us, but it was a good experience overall. (#283) Among other things, someone prayed for my ankle to be healed and Angleica's allergy break out to be cleared up.  Both of those prayers were answered before the end of the day. (#284 & 285)  

Then we headed in search of a Target to pick up a few things we needed.  Finding it was easy enough.  After yesterday's attempt to find a restaurant that was a huge blessing. (#286) When we arrived at the shopping center, we looked for a place to eat.  Angelica walked ahead and asked if they served anything she could eat.  They didn't but were willing to make something fresh using only ingredients she could consume. (#287) That is not something a fast food restaurant typically can do, but this little Asian store did.  Plus the food was good.  Less "Americanized" than most.  :)  

After that it was time to drive Miracle to the campus for her overnight stay.  Angelica opted not to stay the night because the risk of encountering corn is just too high.  She and I will head out to the college in the morning to meet up with Miracle and start the tour of the campus.  

Disappointment

Today I faced one disappointment after another and yet I was able to maintain perspective and know that God's right there with me. (#250)

I am tired and achy and have a long week ahead.  Please pray for me to remain healthy until Tuesday.  '

I have been unable to focus my energies to give anything away these past few days.  Hopefully I can get back on track tomorrow.

My Day - #221-224

Today I visited my favorite podiatrist.  The good news is my foot is healing nicely. (#221) The bad news is I still need the crutches.  Angelica skipped skating and watched the girls all day.  I am thankful that she was able to watch the girls and I was able to rest, (#222) but I am sad that she was too tired and discouraged to skate today (her spins are off and she doesn't want to get into a bad habit so she chose not to skate). Miracle did quite a bit around the house which is a blessing. (#223) It seems that every blessing has a flip side today which reminds me of one of my favorite songs (#224) so I think I'll end with that.  

Lent

I didn't grow up in the church.  I had no concept of what lent was when I first became a Christian and I wasn't in the denominations of churches that preached about lent or practiced giving something up in the days preceding Easter.  Consequently, I have seldom had a lent goal.  I think that this may mark the fourth non-consecutive year that I have observed lent so I'm definitely not the person to ask if you have questions about lent. 

All I know is that this year I feel compelled to give something up in conjunction with lent, or more specifically give something AWAY each day of lent.  Wednesday I gave two puzzles to a local mental hospital.  Thursday I gave a nearly new box of pads away and had to almost immediately replace them.  Today I gave away half of my ice trays to a young mom who didn't have any.  For the rest of the Lenten season, I will post something at the bottom of the post marking what I gave away that day without creating any more fanfare, as a means of accountability and record keeping.  

I have also challenged Miracle to make a commitment for the next forty days, but rather than giving something up, I am asking her to add something into her schedule.  I am asking her to write down one or more things each day that she is thankful for.  I am doing this partially because of where she is and that I think adding thanksgiving into her life is a natural compliment to her current efforts of removing other things.  I am also doing it because I know how much it has helped me in just two months.  The real push came when I read this article while sitting in a hospital lobby.  So, I presented Miracle with a challenge in conjunction with lent.  She is choosing to make her thanksgiving list private and I understand that.  There are often things that I am thankful for that I cannot put here but I choose to continue making that list public and just not count those things that are not mentioned here.  

What about you?  Do you have a Lenten goal this year?  If you do, I would be blessed if you would choose to share it with me here.  If you choose to share, I will pray that God gives you the strength and ability to reach that goal and that He blesses you and draws you closer to Him as the season progresses.  Pray for Miracle.  Pray for me.  Let's pray for each other.  

My Day - #130-131

Today it is enough to rest in God's arms and know that He is all I need.  I am so thankful He is always with me.  (#130-131)

Olympic Size Dreams - God Size Dreams - Repost

We all have them. Or at least we HAD them. Can you remember yours? I can't. It has been pushed aside by the now and buried by the cares and concerns of day to day life for so long that I don't even remember what mine were.

I thought with today being the first day of the Olympics that it would be a good time to re-post and update this. 

My thirteen year old wants to compete in Russia in 2014. She has the raw talent. She has the drive - and most of the time it is focused correctly. She has the commitment and determination. She doesn't have the finances. It is an expensive dream; approximately $15,000 a year and that cost will only go up as she improves. She has written a letter requesting sponsors and sent them to every local business and is sending them to every business that advertised during the Olympics on TV. She has a few. She needs more. Something as simple as money could get in the way, and she knows it.

Angelica, now 15, no longer wants to compete at the Olympics.  That dream was stifled when she turned 14 and realized just how little time she would have for anything other than work and skating and school... she decided that skating was important but not that important... she wanted to have a life outside of the rink and have the opportunity to enjoy being a kid.  Her current focus is sign language.  She has been to a national competition for the last two years and is going again this year.  She plans to become an interpreter for the deaf when she finishes college. 

My now 17 year old has picked up her dream of going to the Olympics again.  She saved all of her earnings from September to December to purchase a pair of boots and blades and has started skating again.(#78)  She is working toward the goal of  participating in the 2018 Olympics in South Korea's PyeongChang. 

My fourteen year old wants to be a missionary in Africa. Actually, we know the country, but I have been told it is not safe for people already working there to mention the country in that context, so we just say Africa. She has had this dream since she was two. Yes, two. Before she made a commitment to Christ, she knew she was called. Her dream seems even more Olympic-sized now, since 08-02-08, the day of her accident. She is never without adult supervision. She must keep a consistent eating and sleeping schedule or she could pass out. She has constant headaches, daily dizziness, ever present fatigue. She is learning to add. Yes, I said add. But her heart still beats for Africa. Maybe hers would be better labeled a God-size dream. And it will take a miracle of God for her to get there, to be healed and strong enough to live the life of a missionary.

Miracle, now 17, is no longer sure that God is calling her to be a missionary.  In fact, she's not sure where she's headed at all.  I keep telling her that is OK, she has time to decide.  Either way, the obstacle that was in her way when I originally posted this is no longer an issue since her brain is completely healed.  

My now 18 year old once again is looking at mission work as I outlined here. She doesn't know exactly what God's plans are for her after the next two years, but she is willing to follow Him wherever He leads.(#79)

I think I am going to ask God to remind me what my Olympic-size dreams are. I am going to ask Him where He wants my life to go, who He wants me to become and how I can get there. It is time to remember and dream again.

After posting this, I remembered my dreams.  One, to finish college and become a counselor, I may tackle when my girls go to college.  I've got a lot of healing to do first, but I'm working on that. Another that God reminded me of has sifted to the back and keeps threatening to be forgotten again.  No matter.  If it is truly God's dream for my life, He will bring it to pass in His time.  With that dream, I often remind myself that Sarah was 99 when God fulfilled His promise to Abraham. 

Honestly, I am not sure what fulfilling God's plan for my life will look like.  I spend so much energy preparing the girls to follow God's plan for their lives, that I have little left for my own.  The Lupus has surely taken a toll on my energy levels in the past few years as well.  I know that what God has planned, He will accomplish and that's enough for me right now. (#80) 

What about you? Do you have an Olympic-size dream? Or do you need God to remind you what it is? Let me know and I will pray for you as we strive to reach our dreams.

I look back in awe at what God has done in each of our hearts... the direction He gives, the dreams He places in our hearts, the changes He makes in us to accomplish His will, and the realization that even when we think His plans have changed He brings it full circle and enables us to accomplish those dreams when we are ready to stay the course.  (#81)

All Things

Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

This verse and song have been going through my head all day.  It is a needed reminder and a truth that I am eternally thankful for.  (#75)

This and That

I'm tired and just want to go to bed but as I head that direction, there is a tugging reminding me that I made a commitment so here I am...

Today was calmer than many of late which is appreciated(#38) although it feels a bit like the calm that comes between thunderstorms one right after the other.  The stillness that is almost as if the air itself is trying not to exist.  That is what today feels like.  (2 Samuel 22:2-3 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation.)(#39)

The sadness has begun to envelope me in such a way that I feel smothered, grasping for a way out, looking for a light in the darkness, searching for some relief from the pain and gasping for air.  It is, after all, January. 

The fear that used to be a constant companion in my life keeps knocking.  I keep reminding it that it doesn't belong in my life anymore while reminding myself that I am safe but little good that does in the middle of the night when I wake up trembling.  (Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.)(#40)

I am encouraged when I look back over this last month and count how many posts had Jesus at the center, or at least a passing mention in the peripheral.(#41) 

Yesterday a friend sent me a quote, a bit of encouragement to remind me that I am doing good.(#42) 

I am thankful that today was a calm day.(#43)  I am thankful that I know the sadness will end.(#44)  I am thankful that fear is not my constant companion anymore.(#45)  I am thankful for friends.  But mostly, I am thankful for the way that God brings scripture to mind(#46) and I see Him weaving into every moment of my life.(#47) (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.)

I didn't accomplish much today.  I was in pain early on and took medication knowing I would sleep but hoping I would accomplish at least something.  I encouraged a friend.  I helped a neighbor.  The house is slightly cleaner than it was last night.(#49)  So, I accomplished a little but not much.  Somehow that seems OK.  The things I did today mattered.(#50)  People's lives were impacted.  That's something, isn't it?

Friends

A friend came by today and we were able to chat for a couple of hours.  That was nice.(#36)  We haven't been able to really spend time together since last spring.  I really enjoyed the chance to visit and needed the opportunity to express things going on in life that are more private and not mentioned here.  She had some good ideas and insight and when she left, I felt encouraged rather than defeated like I did before she arrived.  I am so thankful for our friendship.  Sometimes I stand back in awe that God saw fit to bring us together.  I thank God for all the people I am blessed to call my friend.(#37)  

Proverbs 27:9 - Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.

Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Burdened

We all carry burdens.  

My friend's dad is still in the hospital - specifically ICU.  He is making some improvements but it is slow going.  

Another friend is struggling in so many ways... his wife has Huntington's and he just lost his income.  

Another friend is facing family struggles and yet she feels she can't really open up about the issues to anyone.

I have given two mirrors away in the last month.  This is significant only because the pocket mirrors I had contained the number of a hotline for abused women to call if they were in trouble.  I had held on to those mirrors for 6 months waiting for the right person to give them to and then gave 2 away within days of each other.  

Another friend misses her husband dearly as he is overseas.  

Another friend is concerned for the safety of his son who just reenlisted and went back to the front lines.  

Some carry only their own burdens and my heart hurts all the more for those people because when I am only carrying my burdens, I often forget to share them with Christ.  And when I am not sharing the burdens of others, mine seem magnified.  The more I pray for my friends and the more I find little ways to help carry their burdens, the lighter mine become.(#32) 

Maybe that's why Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

And in Galatians 6:2 the Bible says, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Love - Hate

I have friends and family who are in relationship with someone of the same sex.  This post is not to rehash what is right or wrong about the choices they have made.  This post is to hopefully compel all of us to reexamine our own hearts and resulting actions.  

Lately when Miracle and I have been in public together I have sensed judgement, seen glances, heard whispered words.  Right now, with her hair dyed black, Miracle doesn't look much like me at first glance. She also looks to be in her mid twenties.  I look younger than my 41 years, often mistaken to be in my mid thirties.  No one assumes we are related.  But the reality that we are together and love each other is undeniable.  So people assume they know the nature of our relationship and we are judged.  

My friends and family involved in same sex relationships have often said that they experience judgement when they are out with their significant other.  I had thought that it was unlikely that they were being judged, rather that they were perceiving  the reactions that they expected to receive.  I now realize that isn't entirely true.  I think sometimes the pain and rejection they have felt clouds their vision and they perceive pain and rejection when none is there.  But I now know that sometimes that rejection and judgement is really there.   

Jesus loves everyone.  Why can't we?

My Day - #2-3

Today I am thankful for doctors that can diagnose and treat concussion and resulting injury to the brain much better than they could five years ago!(#2)  It has been a long four months recovering from the concussion received in the accident in August, but I am almost there!(#3)  I can see improvement and know I'm getting better even though there are still things I struggle to be able to do.  

My primary goal for today was to find a time to purposefully spend with God and I didn't make that happen.  I thought of Him and talked to Him as I went throughout my day, but I didn't sit with Him as I would a friend and enjoy His presence, nor did I sit with Him as I would a teacher and soak up His wisdom.  I need to do both of those more often.  

How was your day?  Is there anything you are truly thankful for or anything that you regret?

Priority

I have never been one to pick a word for the year.  I have always thought it was a neat idea, but I haven't been compelled to do it - until now.  Partially I think that is because of how we celebrate Christmas and New Year's Day around our house.  I think my picking a word for the year is also partially about how we celebrated this year, or rather what we didn't do.  This year, Christmas was different.  Miracle was in pain - so much pain that we ended the day at the emergency room.  Angelica and I cleaned the house while Miracle languished on the couch in pain.  We didn't concentrate on having family time.  How could we?  We didn't bake a cake or have a special meal.  And... we didn't sit down and give gifts to Jesus.  It bothered me all day, but as I was going to sleep, I resolved to set the next Sunday aside as a day for Jesus.  And yet, we didn't celebrate Christmas then either.  OUCH!!  So, as today is nearing a close, I realize what I need to give to Jesus as a gift this coming year.  And in so doing, I realize that word needs to define my life in so many areas.  The gift I am giving to Jesus this year is to make Him a priority, something I regretfully haven't done for several years now.  OUCH again!!  

The girls and I, especially Miracle, wanted this Christmas season - and really every event celebrated between September and August of next year - to be perfect.  Miracle will be entering college in the fall but she's not just going to another state - she will be on the other side of planet earth!  AND she won't be able to come home for 11 months!!  This Christmas and New Year were less than perfect and yet I think we have all realized just how perfectly imperfect our lives and celebrations were.  In the midst of the pain and sickness, we all love each other and strive to love Jesus.  In the end, that's what it's all about.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR, my friends.  May your year be filled with the love of Christ and family.  May you always seek Jesus throughout the year.  May you find that one thing that He wants you to spend focusing on this year and pursue it wholeheartedly.

#1-Love of family

Calendar

I bought a calendar yesterday.  I haven't had to buy one in years but this year none of the businesses I frequent offered one to patrons, so I bought one.  This was inside it:

When the time was right, 

the sea parted,

the walls fell down,

the lions went hungry,

the sun stood still,

the star appeared, 

the waves were calmed, 

the stone was rolled away,

the LORD ascended...

And when the time is right,

the King of Kings will return.

God is never early and He's never late -

He's always right on time and His plans for you are good.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

JEREMIAH 29:11

What a timely reminder as we start this new year.  

Fine Arts Festival

Our state fine arts festival was this past weekend.  Fine arts festival is something Assembly of God church does every year to encourage teens to discover their talents and become better at using them to glorify God and minister within the church.  My girls entered quite a few categories:  worship dance troupe (together), ASL solo (FigNewTon), vocal solo (both individually), children's literature (together), digital photography (both individually), t-shirt design (FigNewTon), and visual art 2-D (Butterfly).  They did quite well; even earning invitation to nationals for their dance and ASL.  

To earn money so that they can go to nationals this summer, they are planning to sell copies of their book and have some cards printed using the photos they submitted to the festival.  Of course, the cards wouldn't have the words printed at the bottom of the page like these photos do.