June of 2010, I became really sick overnight. As a result of that, I saw multiple doctors who ran many tests to find the problem. In the end, we learned two things. One, I had an internal bleed and needed surgery to correct the problem. That was what caused the overnight symptoms and was easily corrected that fall. Two, I have an autoimmune disease. It took another 1 1/2 years for the doctors to determine that I am living with lupus. There are a lot of things that can go wrong and I choose not to learn how bad it might become. Instead, I manage symptoms as they come. I thought it might be good to outline what living with lupus can be like.
I wake up in the morning and take stock; figuring out how much pain and how much energy I will have that day. I take it slow simply because going fast robs me of strength to face things that may come up later in the day.
I also assess how healthy I am. Most days, I have some type of infection that my body is fighting. When that is the case, I have to be even more careful about conserving energy. I just finished my second course of antibiotics for a sinus infection that is still lingering and trying to invade my lungs. I must take it easy to hopefully prevent that from happening. Even so, I may still get sicker. If I have a fever, I must rest more and dress warmer.
I am on a medicine that is slowing the progression of the lupus. I have been since January. It helps. Eating breakfast has become a necessity. The medicine that I take makes me very sick if I don't. Eating a snack before bed is also required.
I have the tell-tale rash on my face. Make-up doesn't begin to cover it. Glasses hide it a bit. Usually though, I just live with the red butterfly gracing my face.
I have developed a sensitivity to the sun. I break out in a very annoying rash when exposed to sunlight. So, I wear long sleeves and pants no matter the weather and my usually light complexion is becoming even paler.
Pain is constant. We haven't found a pain medication that I can use. I have had a lifelong allergy to Tylenol. Ibuprofen and Aleve don't touch the pain. Some medicines give me high blood pressure while others make me groggy. So, I am learning to manage the pain. Some days this is easier than others. I rely heavily on warm packs that we made at home. My girls tease me some days because I don't use the microwave for food but I will probably always own one for my warm packs.
So, after a thorough assessment, I then determine what I can do each day. The girls take priority. Whatever they need is what my energy gets spent on. Butterfly is a very good cook and she enjoys it most days. She knows that cooking saps the remainder of strength I have in the evenings. For those reasons, she often chooses to cook our dinner.
The simplest activity can sap me of energy. On bad days, I must rest after getting dressed in the mornings.
I can save energy for an important event. This usually works to a large degree. If I have several low key days in a row, we can do something like go to the zoo with only minimal risk that I will become sick in the days following.
There is also the option of borrowing against tomorrow's energy. This is a risky proposition, though sometimes necessary. If I borrow too much energy, I don't have the strength to even get out of bed. Or I risk developing a cluster of infections and staying sick for months. In the fall, when Butterfly was hospitalized, that happened. Two days into her last hospitalization, I became sick with a cold that turned into pneumonia and was followed by four months of infection culminating with shingles.
That brings up another point. I get illnesses that are not common for someone my age. Shingles. Thrush. And I get infections that I should have developed an immunity to.
My kidneys are weak. I get many more kidney infections than the average person. When they did surgery in November 2010, they biopsied my kidneys and they were already showing signs of early disease. For now they are functioning and for that I am thankful.
I have a migraine today and I feel like this post is disjointed, but I didn't want to wait any longer to post it. I wanted to record what living with lupus is like for me now. I wanted an explanation for my sometimes long absences here.