It is bad tonight.  Maybe b/c I talked about it today.  It was bad on Sat, too, but not this bad.  Maybe b/c I railed M for breaking the sewing machine right before she went to bed.  I feel like a failure and I can't fix it till morning.  Maybe b/c she is still so closed off.  Maybe b/c A is still sick.  She was mixing her words again tonight, pale and listless.  Maybe b/c that thing I talked about was bigger than I knew.  I can't get it out of my mind.  Maybe simply b/c I am so spent.  Maybe all of the above.  Maybe none of the above.