Why do I get so mad at A?  Why do her actions hurt more than the same action by M?  I think it is that I expect more from her.  I expect her to obey, I expect her to be respectful, I expect her to try hard and succeed.  I expect less from M because she disappointed me more early on.  When she fails, it is expected.  Every time A does something less than ideal, it is a shock.  It's not that I expect her to be perfect, just better.  I think this is wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.