Toy Story 3 is not a good movie to watch for the 1st time on a Mon night.  Nobody told me I was going to cry!  And then I went and explained some things to A w tears streaming down my face.  Like that couldn't have been done at a better time, but whatever.  OK, so this is what I said.  The reason I want her to look at me is about respect.  And although I ask her to respect me I understand it is not something I can force.  I get that I shouldn't let her treat me disrespectfully, but I don't know what to do differently.  Eventually she will get her head screwed on straight and between now and then all I know to do is guide her and love her.  The reason I want to see her face when she is upset has more to do w me than her and I know that.  On my end, it feels like a concession that even if she doesn't respect me and won't look at me, at least she values me enough to let me see her.  It is about feeling loved.  Ridiculous, but true.  Plus it would have been better left unsaid.  The other thing I covered is that I know she is feeling conflicted (and/or angry but I didn't say that) when she is crying and pulls away from me and that is not the same thing I am feeling when I pull away from her.  That I don't get my feelings hurt when she pulls away from me and that I am just trying not to cry when I pull away from her.  And if I accept her gesture of comfort I know I will cry more.  So, anyway, not the best timing but what's done is done.  I hate Mondays!



btw, she said earlier that she made her decision for the week...



Oh and cj says that M knows why I hate my bday b/c she asked.  Simple as that.  Sometime in August.  And that she gave the most basic info possible.

traici doesn't eat.



Tricia Anna runs until she pukes and then runs some more.  That is why I always have to be present when the body runs.



Tricia just tries to be invisible, to fade into the background.  She would drink if alcohol was readily available but doesn't go out after it. 



Any hatred I have for myself is tempered by how much I love the girls and want what is best for them.  I want to be the best example possible for them so that they have a chance.  When I want to hurt myself, I think of how it will effect them and don't.  I used to have to work really hard at that and now I just don't entertain the thoughts.



ET

Peek A Boo

I know I have been absent for a while and the truth is I will probably be missing for a few more weeks.  When I started recovering from my surgery, I expected to continue getting better.  I expected recovery to be slow but steady.  As much as I would like it to be, that is apparently not the plan.

When the surgeon released me from all restrictions, I was also recovering from pneumonia.  I felt good, if not tired, for about a week before the next something went wrong.  I am not quite sure what that will end up being diagnosed as; all I am acquainted with so far are the symptoms. 

That said I barely have the energy to make it through an outline of my day with nothing left over to spend perusing the blogs I love or writing from my heart here.  I will be back.  I don't know how long it will take me to fully recover, but I know I will be back.  I promise. 

For now, I will leave you with the songs that play ALL. DAY. EVERY. DAY. at my house right now.  They will be playing nonstop for approximately the next eight weeks.  These are the songs that my girls are singing, signing, dancing or otherwise using for their upcoming fine arts competition.  Enjoy. 

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Happy New Year!

We spent days creating noise makers, confetti balloons and party hats. 

All for this moment

Happy New Year, everyone!