Hope

When I was a baby Christian, I thought hope was restored relationship with my mother.

And then hope became having a good marriage.

Next hope was the baby the doctors said I would never have.

Then, hope became my marriage staying together. The marriage that had already weathered an affair and ongoing abuse.

And when I thought all hope was lost, it was given back to me in the form of a second life I carried within me.

Even in the breakup of my marriage, I thought I understood hope.

Then my second child got sick. Near to death sick. Five years long sick. And hope was begging God not to take her.

Then hope was somehow coming to grips with the reality that He knew what was best.

Hope became simply not letting go of God.

And she was healed. I thought I understood hope.

Her sister was in an accident and suffered a brain injury. Hope was that she would get better.

But hope is none of those things.

Now, hope is knowing God won't let go of me. No matter what. He is holding tight. Even when I no longer have the strength to hold on to Him.

That is hope.

I wonder what hope will look like next.

Acts 13:19-20

This morning, Pastor started a new series. A series on missions. He spoke of Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark. It was Paul's first missionary journey.

But what struck me was not truly the topic of his sermon. He read the verse that said Paul was stoned by the Pharisees and left for dead. Paul was visibly bleeding. The people of God rallied around him and prayed. By a miracle of God, Paul got up and lived.

Something inside me resonated.

It is not that the people of the world or of the church have stoned me. I have not endured any undue hardships lately. Definitely not because of my faith or my witness. But not because of anything else, either. No person or group of people have flogged me. I am not physically bleeding.

And.

Yet.

When he read that verse, inside I knew that was me. I am bleeding. And I need a miracle to be OK again.

I am still standing. Walking. Going about my day to day life. Smiling. Talking. Blogging. Praying. Even sometimes pointing others to my beloved Saviour.

But I am mortally wounded. Bleeding. And I need a miracle to be OK again.

I am guessing that I am not the only one feeling this way. In fact, FigNewTon said she felt the same way when Pastor read that verse. I expect that quite a few of you see yourself in that passage, too. If you do, could you let me know so I can rally around you and lift your struggles up to the God who can heal broken bodies, broken hearts, and broken relationships?

Snapshot Saturday

July 2005

FigNewTon is standing in the buggy, Butterfly is on the ground.

We were on vacation in Georgia. We always like to visit the Mayfield Dairy Farm Factory when we are there. We visited often when we lived there, too. There is a tour of the factory, where you learn about the process the milk goes through to get to the stores. At the end, there is an opportunity to buy ice cream cones. Very good ice cream at very reasonable prices. I spend less than $3 when we go, but it is such fun!

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I have been asked about Snapshot Saturdays. If you were to do a Snapshot Saturday, your personal rules would be different. For the most part, I am keeping up with daily happenings here on the blog, but we have a lot of old photos that I never scrapbooked. So, my requirements for choosing a photo are as follows: 1) It must make me smile that day. Some days, some photos just don't make the cut, even though the memory is a happy one. It has to bring a smile to my face that morning. 2) It should not be current. Occasionally I break this rule. Fourth of July comes to mind, as it was on a Saturday and I was sick, so I didn't go through the old photos on the computer. 3) That's about it. Sometimes, like today's photo, I didn't even take the picture.

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I was also asked to put a follower button on my blog, so here it is. I am not sure I like it. Maybe it will grow on me. :)

Have a good Saturday!

Thankful Thursday

What am I thankful for today?

I am thankful that today is a better day than last Thursday; that this post is easier to write; that my heart, though not whole, is healing.

I am thankful for my church, my Pastor, his wife, and all the people there that I love and love me.

I am thankful for doctors. Butterfly got a very good report this week (entirely unrelated to her TBI) and doesn't have to see that particular doctor again. And for Dr.W, who is tirelessly working to map out exactly where her brain is functioning so we can use the right tools to make it better.

I am thankful for play time, home time, and just time to relax.

I am thankful for the Internet and the opportunities it affords.

I am thankful for the opportunity to school the girls and the creativity with which God gives me the ability to do this; the fun things we can do in conjunction with this; and the chance to shape and mold them in ways that I wouldn't have if we weren't having this adventure together.

I am thankful for friends who stick with me through the seasons of life and the ones who come only for a season.



So, what are you thankful for today?

Saturday Afternoon Fun

Butterfly spent the better part of Saturday afternoon playing with this.

It really was like five years worth of Christmas and Birthday rolled into one afternoon for her. Every time she pulled out a new Barbie, she would squeal with delight and show me all of the neat things it could do. It was her "first" time seeing about half of these dolls. They were boxed up because the girls no longer played with them unless they were babysitting, but Butterfly had asked about them a few days before so we pulled them out.

FigNewTon took a break from school for a bit and played with her, too.

Too much fun.

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Even though I did not get answers regarding Butterfly's abilities last week at the doctor, there is still a lot I do know. I don't need a doctor to tell me that she is a very bright kid, even with the effects of the TBI. I don't need a doctor to tell me that she is emotionally responding like an 8 year old. I don't need a doctor to tell me that she processes slower than before. All of this is true. And most of it was established with the recent tests. More of it will be established with the upcoming tests. I also don't need a doctor to tell me she will get better. That she has, in fact, improved in the last few weeks. I don't need a doctor to tell me that the best place for her to learn and heal this year is at home. I can make those determinations myself. And I have. It is just that sometimes I doubt my ability as a mom to know what she needs and what level she is functioning at.

I spent most of the afternoon, when Butterfly was playing with Barbie's and FigNewTon was working on a school project, applying for work that I can do from home. I made quite a few applications. Finding legitimate companies is hard, but the help of a friend who works from home made it easier. :)

In Other News...

Most of my posts lately have been more about Butterfly with a spattering of FigNewTon. I thought I would adjust that a bit and give you an update on my soon te be 13 year old. She is being such a good kid right now. She has done a 180 since the end of July. Check out this post if you want to know what, exactly, I am talking about. Otherwise, just know that she is such a sweet child. She is obeying me. She is doing her schoolwork without complaint or grumbling. She is helping her sister. I am really proud of her. :D

In this picture, she is trying to drink the juice out of a pear. We were having a picnic on Thursday after an appointment and the girls had run out of juice in their boxes. I told them to eat their pears, that there was juice in there. FigNewTon decided to try to DRINK hers.

FYI: It doesn't work!

Snapshot Saturday

July 2005

Both girls had written a story, "If I Lived in the White House." The top entries were allowed to bring two guests to hear Barbara Bush speak at a local event. FigNewTon's story was in that top percentage, so off we went to the event. I was so proud of her. She was enamoured by the idea of seeing Barbara Bush. The outfits were a gift from Autumn.

No News

There really is no news to report. The doctor did not finish with all of the tests and we must go back on September 9. The answers I so desperately wanted are not there yet.

There are still decisisons to be made. Quickly. Like about Butterfly's schooling. And everything else that impacts. It has been a long week with lots of appointments and I am tired. I will give a better update in a few days. I appreciate all the prayers and words of encouragement regarding yesterday's post. And ...

God is bigger than the boogie man

He's bigger than Godzilla, or the monsters on TV

Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man

And He's watching out for you and me.

Monster #1: So, are you frightened?

Junior: No, not really.

Monster #2: Are you worried?

Junior: Not a bit.

I know what ever's gonna happen,

That God can handle it.

Frankencelery: I'm sorry that I scared you when you saw me on TV.

Junior: Well that's okay,

'Cuz now I know

that God is taking care of me!

:D

Thankful Thursday

It is early Wednesday evening, and I have a migraine. Tomorrow is full of doctor appointments and I don't know when I will get to this, so I am doing it early. But my heart is aching and I don't know how I am going to pull this post off. I feel so alone. I am tired. I am overwhelmed by all that is going on in my life. I don't know where our next anything is going to come from. My account is closer to the red than it has been in quite some time. And I am not going back to work any time soon. There are more unanswered questions than answers. I am waiting on answers from the doctor. We may get some tomorrow. And yet, I don't think I will have anything more to give. I am not sure I will make this post at all if I wait till then. So I will trust God and give it all I have right now. Have a great Thursday. I plan to.

What am I thankful for today?

I am thankful that He is my healer. Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

I am thankful that He is always with me. Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I am thankful that He gives rest. Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I am thankful that He provides all of my needs. Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.

I am thankful that He answers my prayers. Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

So, What are you thankful for today?

Things I Have Forgotten

The word "ba" has multiple meanings.

These include, but may not be limited to:

Fun things to do like

peek-a-boo and ball.

Necessary items such as

bottle and blanket.

And also "bye-bye."

Silverware is entirely optional.

And sleep is a luxury, granted or denied by the current reigning Princess.

We are all three looking forward to your next visit, Princess.

Snapshot Saturday

December 2000

We were at a friend's house a few days before Christmas exchanging presents.

The girls were SO LITTLE ~ Butterfly, on the left was 5. FigNewTon was 4.

Thankful Thursday

What am I thankful for today?

• Ballgames and concerts. Board Games. In short, hanging out and making memories with my girls.
• Rearranging the living room. Finishing my freecycle shelves. Getting stuff done.
• The encouragement YOU left here and here this week. YOU made a hard week easier by your kind and thoughtful words.
• I am thankful that, as my new wordle attests, I was not as unfocused this last week as I thought. My heart was still centered on God. He is so good to me.

That's about it this week. So, What are you thankful for today?

The more I look around at other blogs, I have come to realize that even though I thought Thankful Thursday was my idea, lots of other people have had it, too. I am going to keep doing it for all the reasons outlined here, but I am no longer going to ask you to put a link that leads back to my blog. Enjoy your Thursday!

What Encourages You?

OK. I am not even sure how I got to this website this morning. I followed a link and another link and I don't know how many links and there it was. You should go check it out.

They asked the question, "What encourages you?" And given my state of mind right now, I figured it would be a good question for my mind to linger on. So here is my answer.

1. Sunshine ~ because it reminds me good things are coming.
2. Rain ~ because it reminds me that God washes away all of our sins.
3. Wind ~ because it reminds me that God is always present.
4. Snow ~ because it reminds me that we are all uniquely created by God for His purposes and His glory. Even with all of my shortcomings, He still has a plan for me.
5. Children ~ all children ~ because they remind me to look for the good in life. And they remind me of the promises of God just by their very existence.
6. My children ~ because just seeing them reminds me of how far I have come.
7. FigNewTon ~ because her being alive reminds me that God is a miracle working God.
8. Butterfly ~ her simple view on life is refreshing. Her unwavering trust compels me to trust God in the same way that she trusts me.
9. Church ~ specifically singing praises to God in the midst of other people doing the same.
10. Scriptures ~ they come to mind at just the right moment to remind me that God is all I need.
11. People ~ kind of like snow, even mean people remind me that God created each of us differently and loves us unconditionally.
12. Blogging ~ for me it is just what my title says, a bit more than a journal. Like a journal it lets me get my thoughts out so I am not consumed by them. But it is also a scrapbook of our lives. And interactive. It has allowed me to "meet" some really nice people.

I hope you each have a great day. Would you consider making your own list? And check out that website. It is really neat.

It's About Perspective

When Butterfly first got injured, my mindset was, "Not again. We just finished with FigNewTon being sick." So, I saw the negative side of all of it all the time.

After her re-injury in January, I began to learn to see things from the other perspective. When she said things like, "Look Mom! The cows are moooooooving!" I chose to enjoy the moment rather than be sad that my 13 year old didn't think like a 13 year old.

This last few weeks have really thrown me for a loop, though. First there was this and then this. I was overwhelmed by all that was lost and forgetting to look for the good.

And believe me, I have to look for it.

And where I said both here and here that she was functioning like an 8 year old, there is about 11 months difference. After January, she was almost 9. Now she is barely 8, sometimes even more like 7.

After January, the progress seemed slow but steady. I am not sure I am seeing progress now.

It was easier to keep perspective then. Maybe because there was progress.

Maybe because it was the second time, not the third time or the first.

Maybe because there was nothing else going on at the time. What else is going on, you ask? Well, there's this, this, and this (read the last sentence to #2).

So, this time, it is harder to keep perspective. To focus on the good. And to trust that God knows EXACTLY what He is doing.

He does, you know.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

Now it's your turn. What scriptures do you hold on to when it is especially hard to focus on the Lord? Please share them with me so I can meditate on them when it is hard to keep perspective.

At The Old Ball Game

We got FREE tickets to a Roayls game last night.

It was HOT!

The girls had a blast.

The Royals WON!

Final score: Royals 8, Las Vegas 4

Then, of course, there were fireworks.

And as if that were not enough....

There was a Big Daddy Weave concert after the game!

After The Ballgame...

Butterfly passed out. And although we are relatively sure that this one was a "normal" teenage girl episode, we can never be certain. It was exactly the type of situation you would expect someone to pass out: hot, minimal air flow, tired, standing, low blood sugar, etc. So, we ended the night at the ER to double check and she is still sleeping (as of 11:30). I was scolded, several times, for varying her routine and admonished to stick to the schedule. No more outings like that for a while, I guess.
UPDATE She finally woke up at 1:30 and got something to eat.

Snapshot Saturday

Remember last week? I asked if anyone could figure out the name of the girl in the photograph. Well, there were a few guesses, but no one figured it out. Her mom calls her by name in their family blog. And, of course, being IRL friends, I read her blog, so it is in the list of blogs I read. Anyone want to guess today?

My friend, her daughter, FigNewTon, Butterfly and K.
We were at a waterfall just outside of Helen, Georgia.

Freecycle Find - Updated

What do you get when you take the words Free and Recycle and put them together? Freecycle! Which equals free stuff!

Someone posted "offer: dresser solid wood 5 drawer ~ I have an older solid wood dresser with 5 drawers but one is missing." I jumped on it! Because we always need more storage. And this is what I ended up with:

I threw the body of the dresser away. Then, I painted the drawers a dark brown to match my living room. Next, I covered the inside with pages from an old book that was falling apart. I had recently seen a magazine article explaining how to do the project and was looking forward to trying it myself.

So now I have more shelves. I will fill them with games soon. I can never have too many places to store things. Look for a new picture with full shelves in a few days. (Well, as soon as the girls are done camping in the living room!)

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UPDATE
The girls are no longer camping in the living room.

When I started putting the games on the shelves, it didn't work.

The games need a much deeper shelf.

So, I took this mess:

And put it here:

I had to reconfigure the shelves and I will have to get some more paint to cover sides that I hadn't expected to show. In the end, I like how it worked out.

Thankful Thursday

What am I thankful for today?

• Camping ~ I just love camping and I had the chance to go this past weekend with my girls and some friends.
• Lunch ~ I had a friend come over for lunch on Tuesday. The fellowship was sweet. The conversation was encouraging.
• People ~ The ones I count as friends especially, but all the people I come into contact with add some small something to my life.
• Children ~ I cannot imagine my life without my girls.
• Games ~ I love to play board games with the girls.
• Water ~ To drink and to play in. I enjoyed going swimming in the lake this weekend with the girls. I enjoyed watching them wade in the water. I enjoyed watching Butterfly at the Splash Pad.
• Cameras ~ To record moments so they can become memories.
• Encouragement ~ Most of the encouragement I have received this week came from here, when people left comments.
• Books ~ Sometimes I use them as an escape from the stress of life. Usually, though, I just enjoy reading.
• Freecycle ~ When I finish fixing it up, I promise to post about my most recent find!

Would you like to join me and answer the question What are you thankful for today? Just copy the code below and paste it somewhere in your post and link back here to mine. Then leave a comment and let me know you did a Thankful Thursday post so I can be encouraged by your list.

<a href="http://www.abitmorethanajournal.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img style="WIDTH: 232px; HEIGHT: 156px" height="213" alt="Thankful Thursday" src="http://www.wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/960306/Untitled" width="317" border="0" /></a>

Crazy Camping Capers

On Sunday, when I got home from church, there was a message that said, "We are camping. Do you want to join us?" We LOVE to camp, so I decided to go. But, the girls were napping so we had to wait. After dinner, we packed up our stuff and headed to the campsite.

Monday, we had lots of appointments, so we were only at the campsite for a few hours in the morning and then again in the evening. It was SO HOT on Monday. After dinner, the girls and I went for a swim in the lake.

It rained through the night and our tent started leaking, so the girls and I went home. We didn't return until mid-afternoon on Tuesday, but there was still plenty of time for fun. They played with Kelly.

And we went wading.

Kelly wasn't so sure of the water. He especially didn't' like the waves. He would bark and bark every time a boat came by and made more waves. But in the end, he got brave and went into the water a bit.

The sunset was beautiful.

When we got into our tent on Tuesday night, FigNewTon's sleeping bag was wet. I thought everything had dried up, but it hadn't. So, we tore everything down and came home.

On Wednesday, we set up the tent so it would dry out. By bedtime, the girls had convinced me it would be a good place for them to sleep.

Sleep tight girls. I am going to bed.

I wonder how long I am going to have a tent in my living room. Oh well. They are only kids once.

Seven Amazing Things

I've never been tagged before. And this one is a hard one. To come up with seven awesome things about either of my girls would be simple as pie. But doing so for myself is a bit of a struggle. Still, I am game. Thanks for the compliment and for tagging me, Carol.

The rules, as best I understand them, are to tell seven amazing things about yourself and to tag seven amazing women to do the same. Here goes!

1. Like so many before me, my girls are my greatest achievement. FigNewTon surprises me daily with her maturity and love for others. Butterfly is a joy to be around. She, right now, trusts me explicitly. I am beginning to get to know her again. Her personality changes with each mental regression.

2. I have homeschooled at least one of my girls for the past 6 1/2 years. This year, it looks like it will be both. Being a single mom, I have also maintained a full time job while doing that most years. The year FigNewTon was her sickest and we all thought would be her last, I worked only a few hours a month. God blessed us in unexpected ways that year. This year, I cannot work outside of the home due to Butterfly's medical needs and have not figured out exactly how that is going to work.

3. I am a Christian. This is amazing simply because I came from the most anti-God home a person could imagine. And yet God chose to protect me and woo me and love me and shape me and mold me so that I can be called His.

4. I am the first person in my family history who graduated from high school. I went to college and quit 16 hours shy of my degree.

5. I was raised mostly by my grandparents. I was in their home a cumulative 8 years scattered throughout my childhood. I am who I am today largely because of their influence.

6. I was asked to be the key speaker for a retreat for foster children when I was 18. I was a new believer, fresh out of high school, and on my way to college. I was considered to be a success story within that community and was thought to be an inspiration to those teenagers. I will never know, but I can hope that God was able to use me in even a small way that weekend. This next part no one knows because I have never said it out loud before now. I would love the opportunity to do something similar again.

7. I can't think of anything else. Sorry. Six is all you get, I guess.

Now, who am I going to tag?

1. Autumn ~ She is moving, so it may take her a bit to get to this. But I had to tag her because she is one of my closest friends and she is simply an amazing person.

2. Stephanie ~ We have been friends since high school. That says a lot about how wonderful she is right there - to have put up with me for this long.

3. Karen ~ When I met her, FigNewTon and Dancer were both in Kindergarten. She continues to amaze me with all she is able to accomplish and the love she has for her family.

4. Debbie ~ Although we have never met IRL, she is someone I count as a dear friend. When you check out her blog, I trust you will feel as welcomed into her world as I do.

5. Tricia ~ OK. So, I started following her blog because we have two things in common: our names, of course, and she is also a single mom. But I truly believe she is an amazing person.

6. CFMama ~ I wish I knew her real name, but being in blog world, this is as close as it gets.

7. Queen Mumma ~ She is also a single mom. Going to school full time and doing a fabulous job of caring for her two beautiful girls.

Can I do eight? Good. Here goes:

8. Robin ~ She is such an encouragement to me. The way she prays for others and the way she focuses on her kids. And the things she has gone through to make her the person she is today.

I also wanted to mention some amazing women I know who I cannot tag because they do not have blogs.

Jackie ~ She has been fighting cancer for the second time in her life for the past six years. A year ago, her husband was diagnosed with cancer and he went to be with Jesus on July 17. Her ability to stand under the weight of all of this and still be such an amazing woman focused on our amazing God astounds me.

Helen~ I have only known her for a year, but she has been the biggest blessing in my life in that year. She defers to others and consistently shows love.

Nancy ~ She is constant. No matter the situation, she responds with a constant focus on God and points me back to the scriptures. I have seen her walk through loss and never waiver in her faith. And she is teaching me to do the same.

Grandma ~ As stated above, I would not be who I am today without her guidance. She took in strays, lots of them. I was the last. And she loved us all. Shielding us from impossible situations that children should never face.

Summer Loves - July Edition

Fireworks on the Fourth.

Gardening with the girls,

and enjoying the harvest.

FigNewTon participating in a dog show with Kelly,
who was loaned to us for the day.
Thanks Mr.B and MissH.

FigNewTon teaching us the duck walk.

Watching the girls watch the ducks.

Getting free school supplies for the girls.

VBS. We all three served in different ways for the week.
I have said it before, but I love my church.

Going to the Splash Pad.

Last month, Autumn asked this question, and I answered here. I enjoyed it so much that I would like to continue summarizing the high points of every month throughout the year. But, I can't keep calling it "Summer Loves" and I am having a hard time coming up with a name for the monthly post. Any ideas?