Quick Update

FigNewTon is better. Her temp is still hovering around 101, but she is not as achy and is breathing easier. Butterfly is now sick, with her temp staying around 103. Seems my girls have a good grasp on the concept of sharing.

Snapshot Saturday

April 2008

Girl Scout trip to Build a Bear

FigNewTon was entertaining the smaller scouts

while we waited for the festivities to begin

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FigNewTon is home. She came home with a fever and is resting. I will post about her camp adventures in a few days. Or, if she gets her blog up and running, I may just give you a link to hers and let her tell about it there. :)

Still At Camp

Mr.B and MissH went to see FigNewTon today at camp.

Butterfly and I didn't go because we thought it would make us miss her more. Wait! I meant to say because we thought it would make her miss us more. Yeah, that's right.

And for the record, neither Butterfly nor I teared up when we saw this picture simply because we miss her.

Thankful Thursday

I am working on changing my Thankful Thursday button. This is a preview and though it won't look just like this, it will still be a wordle. But for now, you just get the original button with the picture of the orange "map" to paste to your blog, if you choose to join me and do a Thankful Thursday post, which I hope you do.

<a href="http://www.abitmorethanajournal.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img style="WIDTH: 232px; HEIGHT: 156px" height="213" alt="Thankful Thursday" src="http://i723.photobucket.com/albums/ww238/stephifr/TT1.jpg" width="317" border="0" /></a>

What am I thankful for today?

air conditioning, books, breath, concerts, camp, church, communication, computers, Dr.D, eternity, friends, family, fun, faith, freedom, fruit, flowers, God, gentleness, gardening, growth, goodness, health, happiness, home, hope, homeschooling, ingenuity, jokes, joy, kids, kindness, life, love, lavender, laughter, music, mail, memories, movies, notes, oranges, pedicures, postcards, people, prayer, progress, peace, patience, promises, poetry, quiet, rest, summertime, treasures, uniqueness, violets, vegetables, watermelon

So, what are you thankful for today?

Breathing

I have been quite sad all week.

And I couldn't pinpoint why.

And then today, it hit me.

I am grieving.

Not about what is,

because what is

is pretty good.

FigNewTon is strong

and healthy enough to be away at camp

for not one, but two weeks.

And of course I miss her.

But I have had several thoughts over the last two weeks

thanking God that this missing her is not permanent,

but rather is just her learning, growing, and having fun.

We lived for so long with FigNewTon sick,

thinking that she was going to die.

And then she got better

simply and completely because

God performed a miracle.

I never let myself grieve while she was sick,

because I had to be strong and keep it all together.

And I never really grieved after she was better

because she was well, better.

And I never really thought about it until today.

When I was so sad,

seemingly for no reason.

Then I realized that I am sad,

not for what is,

but for what was,

what could have been.

Last week in the mail,

I got a very normal postcard

from her pediatrician.

I haven't gotten a postcard

since she was seven.

It said that her blood work was normal.

Not normal for FigNewTon,

but normal like every other kid normal.

So, now that she is completely healthy,

I let myself grieve for what was

and what could have been.

All the while thanking God

that it is not and is not going to be.

Dr. D told me a year ago

that I could breathe again.

I think I am finally breathing.

Progress

Butterfly is sleeping less, maybe 13 hours at night and only napping a few days a week. Last Thursday, she began being able to joke and understand jokes a bit. She told me and MissH that the water was warm when we went wading, and then when we stepped in, she started laughing. She thought it was the funniest thing that she had tricked us.

I have noticed that eye hand coordination is good. But to kick a ball or catch something she struggles. It is not where she expects it to be. Memory is still giving her trouble, and she is still not reading. She is capable of reading, but it is a rather difficult task, so I am not allowing it right now (except for when I let her post on her blog or read other blogs). Television and computer both give her a headache. But all in all, this is progress.

Only 20 hours ...

She was home for only 20 hours. And I miss her already. She had tons of fun and learned lots about relationship with God and other people. And this camp comes with different opportunities. More fun things to do like a zip line and rock wall. Music lessons for keyboarding and singing. Dance and drama. And the culmination is a concert at the Salvation Army next Saturday. She will have a blast. But she cried as we were parting because she is tired and she misses me and she didn't get her fill of mommy loving in just 20 hours. Oh how I miss her.

Snapshot Saturday

April 2007
Another picture of FigNewTon at the ice rink.

Blessings

The other day, I had some very rare, very appreciated time alone, thanks to Mr.B and MissH who kept Butterfly. I spent a gift card to get a pedicure. If you live in the same area I do, I suggest you go to Panache Salon and Day Spa and pamper yourself a bit. Angie and all the folks who work there are really nice and good at what they do. And everyone should feel as pampered as I did when I left there.

As I was driving there, I was crying out to God. I told Him that I would really like to catch a break. It just seems to me that one bad thing after another keeps happening and I am tired. I want some time to catch my breath and enjoy life. And to be honest, some of the difficult things that have happened are a direct result of my choices. The fact that I am a single parent is a result of me disobeying God and marrying then divorcing the girls dad years ago. And there are many struggles that are unique to being a single parent. But the struggles that I was crying out to Him about the other day were not a result of my choices. FigNewTon's illness that lingered so long and took a huge chunk of our lives. And though she is currently healthy and enjoying the life she has been given, it is a constant part of our lives. My foot, that I broke last summer and developed a nerve condition that still causes extreme pain. Butterfly's head injury. It has just been one thing after another and I cried out to God and asked Him if I could catch a break. And then I thought about what I said a few weeks ago regarding the youth pastor. That I may not understand his methods, but his results are undeniable. That is really true of God. And He even told us in the scriptures, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." There's more to the story. If you don't have a Bible handy, you can read it here.

So, in the drive to get my pedicure, I got an even bigger blessing from God. I received a peace regarding all that is going on. Because the things I want may not happen when I want them to, but God has a plan. He knows what He is doing and how to make that happen. And what He wants for me is way better than I could dream up on my own. So, I will sit back and trust Him to take me where I need to go.

Thankful Thursday

What am I thankful for today?

That FigNewTon is away at camp.

• I am sure she is learning and having fun. It is a great opportunity for her.
• And I am enjoying one-on-one time with Butterfly SO much.

For encouragement that comes from likely and unlikely places.

• I never thought about all the scriptures that were getting embedded into my heart, but I am oh, so thankful for them today. (See last nights post, especially compared to the ones right before it.) God is good.
• For the genuine words of encouragement people speak to me.
• For the chance to help teach kids on Wed nights. (Yes, this encourages me!)

For time to slow down and enjoy the wonders of the world. Through the eyes of a child seeing it all for the first time. Seriously, when was the last time you marveled at a fountain and seeing the water spray up? Or at ducks and geese and the chance to feed them? Until yesterday, it had been way too long for me.

What are you thankful for today?

If you would like to do your own Thankful Thursday post, and I hope you do, just copy and paste the text below to your post. Then leave a comment letting me know you did and I will stop by and check your list out.

<a href="http://www.abitmorethanajournal.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img style="WIDTH: 232px; HEIGHT: 156px" height="213" alt="Thankful Thursday" src="http://i723.photobucket.com/albums/ww238/stephifr/TT1.jpg" width="317" border="0" /></a>

Encouragement

I am going to quote verses (NIV) that have come to mind and encouraged me today, punctuated by pictures from today's adventures. Look at the wonder, amazement, and joy in her expressions. We encountered several "firsts" today. ENJOY!

Matthew 6:34 ~ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I Peter 5:7 ~ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ~ Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Isaiah 26:3 ~ You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Philippians 4:4 ~ Rejoice in the LORD always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

The Garden

I spent about two more hours out in the garden this morning. Another hour tomorrow and we should be caught up. I think FigNewTon has been spending more time daydreaming in her garden than gardening. Because when she comes in, she is ususally neat as a pin. Butterfly and I were caked in mud. Butterfly planted a row of radishes, a row of lettuce, and a row of carrots. I left one maybe plant, maybe weed because I am not sure if it is the lettuce that FigNewTon had planted. We will know in a few days.

And something is eating the leaves of my zucchini.

Funny how after a few hours in a plot of mud, it becomes MINE.

Homeschooling Butterfly

Yesterday, Butterfly and I had an emotion filled conversation. About her uncertainty that she will GET better. And the truth that medicine isn't sure, but we CAN be sure. Simply because we know that God has called her to go to Northern Africa. About her wanting to BE better. RIGHT NOW. And about whether or not she will be better in time to go to 8th grade at her small private school. I don't know. I am leaning toward no. But I will not know until fall. After we see the doctor for more tests.

So, since she has a hard time letting go of dreams and needs much time to adjust to new plans, I told her yesterday that I might homeschool her next year. She cried. She yelled. And then she understood. That if my choices are to give her what she wants next year, almost guaranteeing she will never get completely better; or to do what I think is best even though she doesn't like it on the hope that it will be the catalyst for her getting better; well, I choose to make her unhappy in the short term to give her a chance at happiness in the long term. And then she got it. Because somehow she understands that when she is grown, 8th grade won't matter. Or maybe she just accepts that because if I said it about missing going to nationals with basketball, it is true about 8th grade too. Because right now in her mind, I am (almost) always right. Every time she notices that I made a mistake, it baffles her brain.

And right now, she cannot comprehend a lie. At all. She can't tell a lie, and she cannot understand when other people do. Every word that she hears, she believes to be true. Sarcasm and jokes are completely incomprehensible.

And now I am scared out of my mind. And I wish once again that I was not traveling this road alone. Because what if I make the wrong decision? What if I mess this up? And how on earth do I teach her? Do I present 8th grade materials because that is what grade she is in? Do I teach her where she is at? Do I count every moment that she experiences something for the "first" time," something she hasn't experienced since January, as a learning moment? Somehow, I must do all of the above. Alone.

Today

Butterfly wanted to play dress-up today. And then we ran errands while she was in her dress-up clothes. Part of me doesn't like that she has a blog and reads my blog every day. Because I do not feel free to express here how sad that makes me. Or that she is stagnant, as in not getting better. Still acting eight. And that scares me. I will take this post down, or at least modify it before she gets on the computer again. But for now, it is here. And these things are said. I am scared. And I am sad. Because my daughter is, well, little.

I am not a gardener

FigNewTon is away at camp and I have agreed to tend her garden. Butterfly and I spent an hour out in that little plot of mud this morning, and we barely scratched the surface of what needs to be done. Apparently I need to teach FigNewTon a bit more about weeding and otherwise tending her garden. Because there are weeds everywhere and much of the soil is packed down and hard. I also realized I have not been allotting her enough time to do her gardening. I thought an hour each morning would be sufficient. Definitely not, at least not at this point with the state the garden is currently in.

Most things that she planted inside the fence look good. There is no evidence of potatoes, yet. And the carrot and lettuce didn't make it. There is evidence that she will have tomatoes, beans, peas, zucchini, watermelon, and bell peppers. And a friend gave her a sage plant over the weekend. It still looks fine, too. I plan to plant a few rows of radishes, lettuce, and carrots in the morning. Then, in about a month, we can all enjoy a mouthful.

Everything on the outside of the fence was eaten by rabbits. We planted mostly things for pretty, like sunflowers and lavender. But along the back fence, we had planted various herbs, like chives, sage, thyme, etc. Someone told FigNewTon that these things would keep the rabbits at bay. Not so. The rabbits ate them. We were also told to walk around the garden barefoot because they don't like our scent, to hang old tins on the fence to create noise, and streamers to create movement. None of it worked. So this morning, I decided to plant some more flower seeds, just for the rabbits to eat. I mean just for pretty.

So, as the reward for our labors we got ONE radish. I let Butterfly eat it. She says it is the best radish she has ever tasted. I guess all this effort is worth it after all.

Why Blog?

Someone asked, "Why do you blog?" I knew the answer right away. I knew why I began blogging, that is. So I will start there. I began blogging for two reasons:

1. Because I knew I needed to journal and yet I never did. It gave me an accountability of some sort. Even though I didn't know who, if anyone, was reading my blog. But still, the journaling helps me and pseudo-accountability is better than no accountability. And then I installed the map/counter and realized people really are reading. Which leads to...
2. Because in the few months since getting a computer, I have read several blogs and realized that they, in the course of recording their everyday lives, encourage me. I wanted to be that kind of encouragement to others.

Now that I have been blogging for about six weeks, I think there are more reasons.

1. I have started Thankful Thursday (TT) posts. They kind of speak for themselves. But yet they are changing my thinking every day of the week. So much so that I wish every person who stops by my blog would pick up a button and do their own this week, just to reap the benefit for themselves.
2. I have begun another weekly post called Snapshot Saturdays. I never seem to find the time to sit down and really scrapbook. What with one special needs child, another child with Olympic dreams who is homeschooled, and everything else that comes of being a single mom; I never seem to find the time. But SS just take a few moments and gives me the chance to record some of our experiences when the girls were younger. Plus, it kind of serves as a respite from all of the things going on in our lives.

And then there is the question about comments. Usually, I don't feel like I need them. They are like frosting on a cake. What I really want is the cake, but frosting is a nice added touch. Sometimes, like TT, I really want comments, simply because I want to know who linked their blog back to mine or otherwise stated, who is participating. But usually, I figure people will comment if they really feel they have something to say. I know that is when I comment. That or when a post leaves me speechless or when I feel impressed to pray. And the first time I decide, I am going to read this blog on a regular basis, if I haven't already commented, I simply say hi.

Which prompts another question in me: Why do you read my blog? Why do you blog? And why do you read the blogs you read?

Confessions of a Target-a-holic

OK. So this is NOT my idea. I took it straight from Patrice. And I have to be honest, I laughed when I read this and that. I read more here. And I thought that is NOT me. That is SO NOT my problem.

And then. I went. To Target.

So, here goes. Hi! My name is Tricia, and I am a Target-a-holic.

These things were on my list:

• A & D
• Band-aids

However, I also purchased these things, that were not on my list:

• Face wash (Target brand)
• Moisturizer (Target brand)
• Sunscreen (Target brand)
• Agent Cool Blue Listerine (But in my defense, could you refuse these two if they were pleading?)

In the small town we live in, there is not a Target. So, I am safe. Until Sunday. When I go into the "big city" again. GULP! That's tomorrow!

Snapshot Saturday

This picture was just too fun. Mostly I took it because their hats were so cute! A friend had taken FigNewTon to several garage sales the day before and picked up the hats plus a whole bunch of other fun stuff. They were trying to stand up like that. It was hilarious. We were ALL in stitches!

Today's Thankful Thursday

Telephone. Homeschooling. Art. Nights to sleep. Knowing God is there. Friends. Unlimited forgiveness. Life lessons. Doctors. Cars that run. Insurance. Everyday comforts, like electricity. Scripture. My girls. Both of them. Camp for FigNewTon. Camping, as a family. Internet. Bright ideas. Sunshine. Opportunities. God-given wisdom. Grocery stores. Shoes. Object lessons.

Because of God working in my life through this weekly list, this is what I find myself doing each and every day; finding things to be thankful for and focusing on that. All of the little things and all of the big. Some days it is harder than others to keep that focus. But it is like a domino effect. Once I start thanking God, I notice so much more to be thankful for. So, what are you waiting for?

What are you thankful for today?

The Big Picture

Do you ever feel like your life is completely out of focus?

Empty of all joy and color?

Or maybe even just an unfinished sketch?

1 Corinthians 13:12 (New International Version)

12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

The reality is that what we see is more like this:

Or even this:

Life is sometimes hard. Sometimes you get thrown a curve. But what we see is only a small portion of the whole. At best, a blurred reflection.

But God sees the whole picture.

Trust Him to do what is best.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (New International Version)

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Snapshot Saturday

April 2008

We were at a church picnic. Butterfly can almost always be found with a ball in her hands. She loves anything to do with sports. That is kind of hard on her right now, as she is not allowed to do anything that involves a ball, bat, racket, running, or in any other way has even minimal risk of anything hitting her in the head. But those thoughts do not belong on a Snapshot Saturday. Snapshot Saturday is supposed to be a snapshot into our past, non-scrapbooked lives and a sort of respite from all things TBI related. Still, though, pray for her please. Recovery from a TBI can be a slow and frustrating process sometimes.

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

We were blessed with tickets to a ball game tonight.

The Bucket Boys were there. They are quite talented.

It was fun to watch the girls expressions as the game unfolded.

Butterfly forgot which team was the Royals.

We had to tell her they were in royal blue. Then she just started taking cues from us.

But by then it was late and she was quite tired.

And of course there were fireworks after the game.

Because there were record crowds, we opted to hang around while the parking lot thinned out.
Enjoying a bit more of the Bucket Boys music. All in all, it was a very fun evening.

Thankful Thursday

Things I am thankful for:

Friends like this one who help me make buttons for my blog. (It is still a work in progress. I haven't figured out how to let you get it for your Thankful Thursday posts, yet.) Friends that have been around since high school, with 1100 miles between us.

Friends like this one who grow with you and beside you with both of you leading the other. Autumn and I walk side by side, 800 miles apart.

New friends like this one who I met here in blog world. But the connection between us is unexplainable. And we connected initially because of a button she no longer has on her blog.

My church and all the people there. Pastor and his family who mean so much to me in so many ways. The youth pastor whose methods I don't always understand, but the results are undeniable! Every child in the youth group knows how to pray, most of them show up voluntarily to serve, and have a hunger for God. The cleaning team with such big hearts, willing to serve in any situation. And the ones that I know pray for my family daily.

This list. The weekly habit of posting what I am thankful for is making me more thankful in my every day life. God is so good to me.

So, what are you thankful for? I would like to have the link for you to put a button on your blog to link back here, but I haven't figured that out yet. Every time I try, it won't let you copy and paste to link back to yours. I will get it figured out!